Quittin Time

Discussion in 'Maddrakkett's Caffe' started by Augie, Nov 21, 2017.

  1. Augie

    Augie The Desert Bass-ape

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    I'm after some advice so as not to be an asshole. I have decided to quit my current band for a range of mainly personal issues and don't want to leave them in them in the lurch, but also not make things awkward.

    The story is I love the music these guys make, I joined them as an established band with a couple albums out and some success locally....but the work ethic and personalities just don't work for me. One guy (the main guy, its his band) is always late to rehearsals, cans rehearsals or is generally flaky. I have literally spent more time WAITING for him to get to rehearsals in the last 6 months than we have spent actually playing. we load late to gigs because he is late to meet up. we have rehearsed three times in 6 months, twice for less than an hour, I have had to paly gigs with minimal rehearsal. No writing, no arranging, no practising the show we will put on. basically a totally disrespectful and unacceptable situation for me.

    BUT I don't want to leave them stuck, we have one more gig in a couple weeks and that's my last one. Do I tell them I'm out now, and risk having unpleasant time from now until we part ways, or do I wait till after the gig and tell them not to book any more with me involved? I anticipate some bitchy reactions if I quit and am honest and say "its not me, its you. no respect for my time means no bass player for you", but I don't want lie and basically roll over.
     
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  2. jester

    jester Moderator Moderator

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    I 'd say try to not tell them before the gig. Perhaps you will be forced to if they want to arrange more gigs before that one.

    You can leave some space for the possibility of you guys continuing together with better terms. Be honest, tell them up front what's bugging you. You have every right to be annoyed by his behavior. He sounds like an unusual band leader to me. Usually the leader is the one that pushes things (and sometimes pisses others off in the process). But I guess not-driven band leaders are also common, although I am guessing their bands don't go far. To be honest, I don't expect him to change his ways, so you will most probably be wasting your time.

    It's good to leave them with enough time to get someone else, so that it doesn't cause problems for them or set them back big time, for example in an important or even critical period for the band. You can tell them that too. Honest and authentic is best imho.
     
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  3. RIP

    RIP California U.S.A. Supporting Member

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    Me, i would start looking for something else before putting in my notice. It sounds like you probably have the time to squeeze in a rehearsal or two with a new band

    Other than that I agree with what Yanni said, tell them what's going on......im sure you can get the message across without being a dick, and if it doesn't work, then leave and hopefully by then you'll have your new band up and running
     
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  4. Augie

    Augie The Desert Bass-ape

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    Thanks guys, I think you've confirmed what I was thinking. If they want to book any more gigs I will let them know that the one in Dec will be my last, otherwise I'll tell them after that.
    I will be away for about a month after Christmas so I wont jump into another band yet, but will put out feelers for new projects. I don't want to announce that im looking for a band just yet, as that will be pretty announcing my departure. its not a big scene here.
     
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  5. Florin

    Florin Warwick Forum Administrator Staff Member Warwick Endorser Supporting Member

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    This should be AFTER the gig, as you want everybody to give their best. Not the same day, but ask for a meeting after a couple of days.
    I'd rather explain the reasons, and ask for a batter involvment, maybe they prefer to change this aspect than lose you. It worth a try.
     
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  6. Augie

    Augie The Desert Bass-ape

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    Totally agree with you Flo, getting a meeting might be a challenge, getting a rehearsal is hard enough! In terms of explaining why and seeing if they will change I am worried that I will get a lot of promises of change ,and nothing will be different, just I will waste another few months stuck.
     
  7. jester

    jester Moderator Moderator

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    Whatever you do, you should seriously take into consideration that you love the music, that's not very easy to find actually. :)
     
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  8. Augie

    Augie The Desert Bass-ape

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    I dunno, Jester, after this experience I think I will follow my partner's advice and go for the people first instead of the music. I really would prefer to play with people I like and music that's Ok, than great music with intolerable people. I generally love MUSIC, of all sorts, If I can find people and music I love then that's great, but this experience has switched my priorities at least for now.
     
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  9. Hardy

    Hardy Good Vibe Sponsor

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    Very interesting.
    That’s right. Most of us don’t earn their daily bread and butter with music. On one side we are eager to play great music to a great audience, on the other side it’s all for the fun, delight, well-being. You will not be happy with the best mates if there is no good basis with good music and a good development, but also you will give a damn to any development if your band members don’t look in the same direction as you.
     
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  10. Nightmaresandconclusions

    Nightmaresandconclusions

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    You might get more free beer if you tell them now as it would be your farewell gig!
     
  11. DemBoneZ

    DemBoneZ Supporting Member

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    From the same experience, maybe assist in trying to find a replacement. With fb groups etc should get some interest.
     
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  12. Augie

    Augie The Desert Bass-ape

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    The only prob with that Bones is I wouldn't recommend the band to anyone! I'm not going to go to one of my bassist friends and say : "join this crew! totally disrespectful, flaky and with a massive victim complex! you'll have a great time!"
     
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  13. jester

    jester Moderator Moderator

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    So what happened after all with this @Augie?
     
  14. DemBoneZ

    DemBoneZ Supporting Member

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    Lol I meant like general public add (I couldn’t recommend my old band to a friend either)

    Yeah what happened ??
     
  15. Augie

    Augie The Desert Bass-ape

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    UGH! Well that was fun. I posted a fairly polite but firm message on the bands chat, I couldn't organize a get together due to distances and work scheds.
    And I basically got one of every possible type of guilt trip from the guy. It seriously reads like a shitty partner getting dumped. I got everyhthing from "why didn't you feel you could tell me", "I'm (him, not me) so stupid for not keeping the band together", "I need YOUR help to be better a keeping the band together", "Take a break and try again", "I can change".
    Sweet monkey jeesus it was some serious emotional bullcrap.
    It was exhausting, and pretty much what I expected. And it kinda makes me more determined not to get sucked back in. the last thing I want is to have to set specific rules to manage the band that are based on basic decency and respect.
     
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  16. jester

    jester Moderator Moderator

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    There's a internet meme that goes something like "don't play the martyr to circumstances you create". I feel a bit sorry for the guy. Perhaps you could become their new band leader? :)

    PS: the meme is actually "don't play the victim" but I got carried away because of a certain Nevermore tune:

     
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  17. PaulS

    PaulS Supporting Member Good Vibe Sponsor

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    Yikes, sorry Augie! I have blown up bands, it is never easy, but you can only take so much sometimes!
     
  18. DemBoneZ

    DemBoneZ Supporting Member

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    Its got to be said mate and it sounds like it was the best choice to me.
    .. How harsh was your message :p
     
  19. Augie

    Augie The Desert Bass-ape

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    I literally said " I don't want to keep playing or be a part of *******. I don't feel its a good personal fit and not how I want to be spending the time I have for music". When pressed why I was unhappy I was honest and said I felt disrespected by constant delays, and bored by the lack of progress caused by late, infrequent and brief rehearsals.
    I was very polite the whole way through.
    This is kinda what I figured would happen, lots of pleading, victimhood and guilt. well it was that or mean pettiness but there is still time for that.
     
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  20. PaulS

    PaulS Supporting Member Good Vibe Sponsor

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    Sorry Augie you have my sympathy. Here's to you finding a new fun project soon!
     

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